


The Undeniable Power of Human Love

by mintkov



Series: Every Step of the Way. [1]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: 2x12, Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Hurt, Master Plan, Multi, Spoilers, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-12 03:49:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintkov/pseuds/mintkov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The emotional trauma that Stiles goes through after 2x12, and not realizing that Derek is, in fact, there with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first sterek fic! i hope you guys like it. :) sorry, i accidentally deleted my work, and i almost had a heart attack, but here it is, reposted.

He felt out of control, the way his tears streamed down his face, without being able to control it. In a way, he was happy that Lydia finally got what she wanted, she finally had Jackson back after months of hurting. She deserved to be happy, but it was those words that crumpled Stiles’ heart.

‘Do you still..’ Jackson barely whispered as he was taking his final breaths.

‘I do, I still love you.’ Lydia reassured him through her tears, her voice breaking. It hurt Stiles to see her so broken and watching the one she loved die in her arms.

With a touch of a miracle, Jackson gradually got to his feet, his fingernails into claws, his eyes shining bright blue.

He looked at Lydia, and the claws retreated into blunt fingernails, a tear escaped him, and within a second, he was in Lydia’s arms. Everything was alright, being so close to losing Jackson, Lydia wasn’t going to let go any time soon.

‘I love you.’ Lydia whispered, barely loudly enough for anyone else to hear.

At that moment, Stiles’ knew that he’d lost Lydia, the special moment the spent together in his room, he was a friend, someone Lydia trusted and knew she could turn to in a time of need. He earned that place in her life, but nothing more. He cried happy tears for her, she deserved this, she deserved to be loved, she deserved to be loved by the one she loves. She deserves Jackson, after all that they’ve been through together. But Stiles’ knew that this was time to walk away from Lydia, to be there for her only as a friend, and that he needed to move on, he’ll always love her, just not in the same way anymore.

—

Stiles’ crawled into his bed, barely making it to his pillow before he closed his eyes.

‘Stiles.’

‘What, Derek? You know I’d probably jump through the roof if I’m not this tired, this beat up. What do you want?’ Derek’s gaze moved from Stiles’ bruised cheek, to his cut lip, then down to the floor.

‘I just wanted to make sure you were okay.’ He mutters quietly, sounding slightly uncomfortable.

‘Well I’m fine. I’m tired, just let me sleep alright?’

Derek hesitated, like he was about to say something more, before he shook his head and walked across the room, opened the window slightly and slipped out of the room.

—

The light that shone through the window woke him up that fine Saturday morning.

‘Nnggaahhhh’ Stiles groaned, half falling out of bed.

‘Stiles.’

‘Holy shit, Derek, did you even leave last night? What are you doing? Do you need something? Wait let me go shower first. Wait here. Or not. Do what you want, you seem to do it anyway.’

Derek looked at him, slightly amused in the amount of energy Stiles had in the morning. He left to the bathroom, realizing how much he stunk from wearing the clothes from last night. After playing in the lacrosse match, fighting a kick ass battle with Gerard, getting beaten up, and went to sleep without showering. God, imagine the smell from Derek’s nose.

He came back into the room, half surprised to see that Derek hadn’t left, but he half expected Derek to still be there anyway.

‘Okay, so what’s up Derek?’

‘Stiles, I need to know something.’ Derek said, reaching out to turn Stiles’ face to the right to get a better view of the bruised cheek, ’Who did this to you?’

‘Oh, uh, it doesn’t really matter now.’

‘No Stiles, I need to know.’ Derek’s voice was firm.

‘It was Gerard okay? it was after he took me from the lacrosse game. We were talking, and well he beat me up after I pissed him off pretty badly. But it’s fine right? He’s dead.’

Derek growled, and his eyes flashed red.

‘Woah, dude, it’s fine. Really. I’m okay.’ Stiles said.

‘What happened.’ Derek growled. It wasn’t much of a question, the way Derek said it, more like a demand.

Stiles opened his mouth to answer, then he closed it again, his face scrunching up, try to remember something he so desperately wanted to forget. His eyes started to water slightly.

‘No. I’m sorry.’ Derek mumbled, lifted the window open, and slid out.

Stiles stood there, dazed, replaying what just happened. He touched his jaw, where the ghost of Derek’s fingers lay. He was confused, that was definite. He slowly made his way across his room, opened the bottom chest of drawers and put on a pair of sweat pants, the top drawer for an old, soft, grey, baggy t-shirt that hung loosely on his shoulders.

He sat down and opened his laptop, opened up Google, and let his fingers twitch around the keyboard, trying to figure out what he wanted to look up. Being completely honest, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing now, Derek hadn’t asked him to research anything, the enemy is dead by the cunning plan from Scott, which he couldn’t actually believe Scott came up with. Come on, Scott, the boy who was failing 3 classes and couldn’t play in the finals, came up with a plan to kill Gerard? Let’s be real here.

He picked up his phone, checked it for any new messages, he had a couple from Lydia saying thank you and all that. A couple of months ago, he would be over the moon, just knowing that Lydia had his number, let alone bothered to text him. Now? He just read them without replying. He contemplated on whether to call Scott. Ask him what really happened last night. He scrolled up and found his thumb hovering over Derek’s name. He wanted to call Derek, ask him what was up with the whole caring business. Instead, he settled on Scott and pressed call.

‘Hey man, what’s up?’ Scott said, picking up.

‘Hey dude, I need to talk to you, can I go over there around 4?’

‘Yeah, sure. Um, I’m sorry about last night.’ Scott’s voice dropped a little, sounding guilty.

‘Don’t worry about it, we’re bros. Remember? You wouldn’t be able to survive a day without me. You were about to get your ass kicked by Jackson if I hadn’t saved the day like that.’ He joked half-heartedly, trying to lighten up the mood, although knowing that there were some truth in it.

‘Alright man, I’ll see you later.’

”Kay, bro. Bye.’

Stiles threw the phone down as he flopped over onto his bed and sighed. This was his life now. His dad’s words repeated in his head, over and over.

_‘you’re a hero.’_

_‘no, dad, I’m not.’_

_‘you were last night.’_

 

It was simple, it wasn’t anything long, deep, perfect. It didn’t work like that in the Stilinski household. Those words meant so much to Stiles, seeing his dad proud of him. He tried so hard, for the past 16 years of his life, and he finally made his father proud. His dad called him a hero, even though he knew he wasn’t. He knew he was a coward, for hiding away in his room all that time, for giving up on his friends, on Scott, on Derek, on Lydia. If Lydia hadn’t shown up in his room, he wouldn’t probably stayed there, and God knows how it would’ve ended.

But those words, they were the best that his dad had ever said to him, after so many faces and sighs of disappointment. It didn’t matter, because of those words.

He’d be happy if he didn’t know better.

—

He must’ve fallen asleep because Scott was shaking him to wake up.

‘Stiles!’

‘ngghuuuhh?’ Stiles mumbled, half awake.

‘Dude, I was so worried something happened to you when you didn’t show up at my house, after 4:30. I practically ran here, and your dad let me in. Dude! Don’t scare me like that.’ Scott yelled at him.

‘I’m sorry, man. I’m just so tired.’ and it was true. He was so tired, he was tired of the drama, of the werewolves, of fighting, of everything.

‘It’s okay. So what’s up?’ Scott asked.

‘I just.’ Stiles scrubbed his eyes. ‘I just wanted to say that was genius, you know. Your plan last night.’

Scott bit his lip and looked down.

‘Yeah, thanks.’ He said quietly.

‘So, uh, when did you start it? Why didn’t you tell me?’

Scott couldn’t meet his eyes.

‘Um, I was with my boss before it happened, it was that night with Matt in the police station. I switched it with the medicine container that Gerard dropped.’

‘Oh. Okay. Well good job, Scott. I’m proud of you, buddy.’ Stiles grinned and patted his back.

‘Yeah.’ Scott said, still looking down, avoiding eye contact.

Stiles knew. He knew something was wrong, he knew Scott was lying. But he didn’t push it, he was glad it was over, and it didn’t matter how Scott did it. It was all over. He needed a break.

‘Come on, I’ll drive you home. Sorry bout sleeping, by the way.’ Stiles grinned sheepishly.

—


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter two!

Before he knew it, he was parked on the beside a large tree, just running off a small road trail into the woods that he’s followed many times before. He turned the ignition off, and sat there for a couple of minutes, trying to think of an explanation for why he was here. Sure, he had some things he wanted to talk to Derek about, but he just wasn’t sure if he was ready for some of those conversations. He didn’t yet know what to say or how to say it. He listened to the winds ruffling the leaves, and watched it fall from the trees. He wonders what it would’ve been like to be part of a pack, to have lived here. He looks over to the house that Derek was living in. Or what’s left of it, and sighs.

He opens the door of his jeep and steps down, feeling the crunch of the leaves beneath him. Slamming the door shut, he took a deep breath, and walked forward. To the Hale house.

He knew Derek knew he was here. He knew Derek heard him probably a mile away, and probably smelt him the moment he got off the car. Yet, he still hadn’t made an appearance.

‘Derek?’ Stiles spoke out, his voice a little shaky . 

‘I know you can hear me, so you might as well come out.’ His voice was louder, more confident.

‘I - I want to talk to you about what happened.’ Stiles stammered, even shakier than before. Stiles stood on the front porch, breathing in and out heavily, nervously, as he fidgeted with this zipper of his hoodie. The front door creaked open, and Derek stepped aside, motioning for him to come in.

‘Stiles.’ That was all Derek seemed to be able to say. Stiles sat on the stairs, and looked up at Derek. Derek didn’t know what to do, so he stood there, infront of him awkwardly.

‘Come sit.’ Stiles motioned to the space next to him on the stairs. Unsure of what Stiles’ motives were, and slightly taken aback by the friendliness, Derek cautiously walked up the steps and sat next to him. 

‘Uh, okay, I know this is going to sound weird because I mean, it’s not like we ever talk without you threatening me right? But I just wanted to thank you for - uh - helping Lydia yesterday. Even though what Lydia did was incredibly brave, facing Jackson like that, I just wanted to thank you for bring Jackson back, with whatever claw thing you and Peter did.’ Stiles said softly. He paused and looked up at Derek. Derek nodded at him, a sign of understanding, and encouraging him to go on.

‘Uh, I just don’t know what I would’ve done without her.’ Stiles clasped his hands together, and dropped his head between his knees.

‘I could’ve lost her last night, I mean, I guess I did to Jackson, but she could’ve died. I could’ve let her die. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, I just stood there behind Scott. I’m sorry for telling you all of this. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I just - ’ Stiles stopped for a sniff. ‘I can’t live without her.’

Derek nodded, unsure of what to do. He wasn’t used to doing this, being here for someone to explain their feelings, to open up to him, especially since he’s been so guarded. He wanted to do something, to put an arm around him maybe? Or would that be weird? He wasn’t comfortable with the situation, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like not knowing what to do, even thought that was what he’s been doing this whole time.

‘She lived, Stiles.’ That’s all he could say.

‘Yeah, I know. I guess I have you to thank for that. I just. Thank you.’ He wiped his sleeve across his eyes, stood up, and took a step down the stairs.

‘I don’t know why I told you. It just felt right to tell you, and I guess Scott wouldn’t understand.’ He said before leaving the front door.

Derek stood there, confused, and for a long time, he stayed there, in the same position, trying to understand what motive brought Stiles here. After everything Derek put Stiles through, why did he still come here to talk to him, of all people. He stood there long after the sound of the blue, famous Jeep faded into the town.

—

It was almost dark when he got home. He saw his dad sitting on the couch watching the baseball match, he waved and hugged his dad. He knew now that every moment counts, and he didn’t know what would happen next. Most likely nothing lethal any more that things had subsided for now, but anything could happen. He headed to the kitchen to start dinner, he bought some groceries, and planned to have a good dinner today. Usually, it was just microwave curry, or stew, something simple. Something that could be eaten infront of his laptop and homework. But not today, today he wanted something special, something that showed his patched up relationship with his father. He knew that everything wasn’t perfect between them yet, and there were still many secrets being kept between them, but it had improved. It was getting better, and it was slowly healing. 

He boiled the pasta on the stove, and started heating up the tomato sauce. It took roughly 20 minutes before he yelled for his dad to come to the kitchen.

‘Hey son, what’s the occasion?’ His father asked jokingly.

‘Uh, surviving getting beaten up? Oh wait, there’s also the lacrosse game we won. Almost forgot about that.’ Stiles laughed with him. It was a genuine laugh, something he felt he hadn’t had the chance to do in ages.

They sat there, eating happily, laughing and joking, like they had all the time in the world, and for a couple of hours, everything was okay. They hadn’t had something like this since Stiles’ mother died. It hadn’t felt right, there had never been an opportunity for this, his dad, being the Sherriff, was always working some case, or Stiles himself would be busy somewhere with Scott and the pack. It was a good feeling though, being back. Having a great time with his dad. He missed this.

—

After helping his dad wash the plates and putting everything away, it was getting late. His dad went to his office to work on some cases, after hugging Stiles one more time. Stiles went up stairs to his room. Opening the door and stepping in, what he found almost gave him a heart attack.

‘Dude! You need to stop doing that!’ Stiles shouted in a whisper.

‘Stiles, you need to tell me what happened.’ Derek said, in his serious face.

Stiles sat down on one side of his bed, Derek on the other, and he began his story, from the moment the whistle blew to end the game.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just stiles' story. :)  
> so it's alittle short - the next chapter will come soon, i promise, it's just i wrote so much, then i accidentally lost it, i'm such an idiot.

‘I couldn’t see what was happening, the lights all turned off, and everyone was running and I heard this scream, it was so loud, so afraid, I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, I was being carried on someone’s shoulders. I knew I was trying to break free, I was kicking and hitting and yelling, but somewhere in my head, I knew it wasn’t going to work. There was already so much chaos and who’s going to hear a kid who’s also yelling in the dark? I was so scared, I knew it was one of the Argents. I just. I didn’t know what to do - what they were going to do.’ Stiles started. His voice was shaky, he had to pause every now and then, just to keep his breath steady. Derek can hear his heartbeat race, but he had to do this. He needed to know. He hugged his knees and leaned back against the bed and continued.

‘It was dark, the next thing I knew, I was being shoved into the van. I remember that the voices, the yelling, they were getting more distant. I didn’t realize I was closing my eyes until I opened them and saw Gerard smirking - can you believe it - he was smirking.’ Stiles ran his hand through the short hair that he had.

_They reached the Argent’s house._

_‘Hello Stiles, how are you?’ Gerard asked._

_‘Oh, I’m just peachy, you know, getting hauled over some big guy’s shoulder at the end of a lacrosse match that I might have starred a role in for the first time. Oh, and did I mention I’ve been kidnapped, yeah, that was the highlight of today.’ Stiles replied._

_‘Well your day’s about to get better, eh? Come here. Let me show you something.’ Gerard led the way down to the basement, and threw him in the dark._

_He fumbled his way around trying to find a light switch, and once the light was turned on, he was shocked to see Erica and Boyd being held captive._

_‘What are you doing with them?!’ Stiles asked._

_‘At the moment, just keeping them comfortable.’ Gerard replied simply, ‘There’s no point torturing them, they won’t give Derek up. The instinct to protect their Alpha’s too strong.’_

_‘Okay.’ Stiles paused to think. His heartbeat racing, and thanking all holy things Gerard couldn’t hear it. ‘So what are you doing with me?’ He asked, dreading the answer. ‘Because Scott can find me, alright? He knows my scent. It’s pungent, you know, more like a stench. He can find me, even if I was buried covered in fecal matter, and urine - ’ Stiles blabbered on, just to reassure himself that Scott will find him. To convince himself that everything will be alright._

_‘You have a nag for creating a vivid picture, Mr. Stilinski, let me paint one of my own: Scott McCall finds his best friend, bloodied and beatened to a pulp, how does that sound now?’ Gerard walked towards Stiles, intimidating him with his eyes, his words, his movement._

_‘I think I might prefer more of a still life, or a landscape, you know?’ Stiles attemped a joke feebly. He knew it was his only defence, it wasn’t like he could do anything. ‘Look at you, you’re probably 90, I can probably kick your ass -’ He was cut short when Gerard backhanded him and Stiles fell to the floor. Without stopping for a moment, Gerard was onto him, punching Stiles’ face continuously._

At this point, Stiles’ eyes were red, tears were streaming down his face uncontrollably, he as choking out his words as he continued to tell his side of the story, his hands everywhere, trying to calm himself down, no longer trying to hide his tears. He knew it was impossible, and at this point he didn’t care. He had to let it out, it was too much for a sixteen year old boy to be treated this way. Derek looked at him, eyes wide, not having seen so much emotion, so much feeling being poured out to him. He’s never seen someone with all their guards down, completely vulnerable, yet trusting Derek not to hurt him. He grabbed Stiles’ hand and held it tight. It became an understanding of them both that Derek was here for Stiles, that Stiles can trust Derek.

‘I’m sorry,’ Derek said to him, ‘I’m sorry I made you relive it. Noone deserves it, and I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah, me too.’ Stiles whispered, his hand still holding onto Derek’s.

‘Goodnight Derek.’ Stiles mumbled as he slowly and reluctantly let go of Derek’s hand and slipped under his blanket. It was a long day, and he was glad it was over.

Derek looked at Stiles’ face, the hard lines, now smooth, the vulnerability, the trust. He let his guard down, and he poured his heart out. Derek looked away, ashamed that he brought this over a boy, and left through the window.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is! i found it! thank god! phew, i thought i was going to die. Enjoy!

 

Sunday morning, and his dad was yelling at him to come down to breakfast. He groaned, and trudged down the stairs in his Batman shirt and old sweatpants.

'Oh, pancakes.' Stiles looked at his dad in surprise. His dad only made pancakes when Stiles was in trouble and his dad knew about it, or when his dad need to tell Stiles something big, or when his dad wanted Stiles to do something.. or every sunday when his mom was still alive. He took his plate, said his thanks and sat down at his usual chair by the kitchen table and started eating.

'So, Stiles.' His father began, Stiles groaned. 'What, son, you think just because I made pancakes, we're gonna talk about something bad?'

Stiles nodded, and his father gave a long sigh.

'Well what if I just wanted to make pancakes? I didn't realize how much I would miss you when you're gone, I mean, I knew I loved you, and you were the only thing I had left that I value in my life. I will always, always love you Stiles, you know that right?' His dad looked at Stiles. He was still in shock from two days ago. Noone would blame him. Stiles nodded, his mouth still full with pancakes.

'So I was wondering, maybe this could be a regular thing? Every Sunday, we could have pancakes for breakfast. Some times to cherish each other's presence, because, son, I don't want to ever go through that again.' His dad started off nervously, a little quiet, and ended up half a joke. Stiles looked up, and met his father's gaze. He knew what his dad was asking. He knew how much it meant to his dad, and how long it had been since they did this, because every time they tried to continue to do it after Stiles' mom died, it caused too much pain for his dad, until one Sunday, he couldn't handle it and threw the pancakes in the bin. It was a start.

'Yeah, sure thing dad. It sounds great.' Stiles said supportively, and throwing in one of his best smiles.

'So - uh - I gotta go see Scott today. I'll see you later? Thanks for the pancakes dad.' Stiles said, helping his dad clean up.

\--

He knew it wasn't right to start lying to his dad again, so soon after all that had happened. Yet, he still stood there, on the house that still smelt like burnt wood, dew, and sweat. He knew it was probably a bad idea, since he completely vomitted his feelings to Derek the night before, and he wasn't sure how Derek was going to respond to that yet. He remembered the way Derek tried to comfort him but slipping his hand into his, and held it there, like he understood everything that Stiles had to go through. He was amazed that Derek would do something, he expected him to just sit there and listen. He wasn't complaining though, it was nice. It was something that Scott wouldn't have done. It was nice to have someone who would just listen, instead of him being the one listening to everyone else's problems.

'Uh, Derek?' Stiles said, he still wasn't comfortable coming to the house.

Derek opened the door, but stood in the way, so if Stiles wanted to come in, he'd have to ask. Not that he was going to.

'I just want to say thank you. I know I've been doing that a lot with you lately, and I just. I want you to keep quiet about what you heard and what you saw last night. I - I - Noone's seen me like that before, not even Scott. I just, I just want to thank you for putting up with me and for listening.' Stiles stammered. He kept his head down, not making eye contact. No matter how close he and Derek have seemed to get, he still was a little scared of the man.

'It's okay.' Derek said, and stood there looking at Stiles. It was a comfortable silence, a silence they both knew, a silence that brought back memories.

'I know I'm not good with things like this. I'm sorry for pushing you.' Derek said hastily.

Stiles looked up, and he saw Derek's face change, he saw it soften for just a couple of seconds, before realizi ng he was being watched, and it was gone. Derek's face was back to being stone cold and guarded. Noone blamed him, he had his reasons.

He stumbled back down the steps of the porch and slowly walked back to his Jeep, taking in all the scents, the scent of the woods, the lingering smell of rain, the leaves crunching beneath his feet, sound of leaves rustling against the wind. So familiar, yet so different.

He started his Jeep, taking one last glance at the door of the house which was now closed, before driving back into town. Driving endlessly, wandering across different roads, aimlessly. It was nice, actually, no need to drive to a particular destination with a rush. It was something he wasn't used to, but now he loved. He'd have to find the time to do something like this again soon.

Eventually, he stopped at Scott's house, parked a couple of blocks away, since he felt like enjoying the breeze that was so lovely this afternoon. He used his key and walked rig ht up to Scotts room. He was about to knock when he heard him talking to someone else. He must've been in a pretty intense conversation not to have noticed another heartbeat.

'So yeah, uh, thanks Mr. Argent, for helping.' Scott said. This got Stiles confused.. Chris? or Gerard? Wasn't Gerard dead?

'No problem, son. That man had to be stopped. We both knew it would've eventually come down to this.' So it was Chris. Stiles' heart beat sped up a little, and right now, he was praying Scott wouldn't hear the extra heartbeat.

'Yeah, I guess. Well um, thanks again, I mean, your plan was really good, and at first I wasn't sure if it was going to work.' Scott said, he sounded slightly embarrassed.

'Me neither, but I knew it was definitely possible, so I thought I might give it a shot.' Chris replied. Stiles might not be as smart as Lydia, but he was piecing everything together. When he called Scott over for congratulating him, and how he knew something was wro ng because Scott avoided eye contact. He knew Scott had been lying about something, but he didn't think it would be this. He knew too, that Scott had worked with Gerard before since he threatened Scott's mom, but now, he's working Chris as well? Is he an idiot, working with the people who are out to kill him. He couldn't handle it anymore.

'Scott, you were working with him? You didn't tell me either? Alright, buddy, I'm done here. I thought we weren't going to have secrets anymore. You know we put Lydia's life in danger? For what, for you to hope that this plan of yours - that might I add, working with someone who's made it their life goal to kill werewolves - would work? Alright man.'

'Stiles!' Scott shouted, looking torn.

'No.' Stiles said as he turned around, ran to his Jeep and drove home.

\--

He landed on his bed with a thump and threw his car keys on his desk.

'What am I doing?' He mutters to himself. It was one thing to get into a misunderstanding with his bestfriend, it was another to judge him for his actions in a life or death situation. He didn't know what to do with his life anymore, just when things looked like it might be getting better, something had to come around and ruin it. Out of all people, it was his best friend, who'd stuck by him since forever. He didn't know what to think. He fell asleep.

 

When he woke up, he saw Derek reading one of his books; ' _Grimm Tales'_.

'I didn't know you read.' Stiles mentioned.

Derek raised an eyebrow.

'I live in a burnt house, doesn't mean I lack education.'

Stiles shrugged. He was pretty used to Derek's company, and he was okay with it. He was actually quiet happy with having someone around who he trusted, even though he knows he shouldn't. It didn't stop him. He was fine with having someone who didn't mind listening to him and his problems. He didn't really need someone to tell him what to do, or give him advice. He just wanted someone to listen to him, to listen to what he really had to say, when it mattered.

'Derek, I - I found out Scott had been working with Chris Argent to take down Gerard.' Stiles slipped up without even know what took over him to tell Derek. Now Derek would probably be as dead as Gerard. Derek just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

'I don't know, man. What am I supposed to think now? I mean, I trusted him with my life, with Lydia's life, and your life, and Isaac's life and - and - I just don't know. I thought he trusted me too after everything we've been through together. I just feel like I'm worth more, you know? I guess - I just - I don't know.' Stiles sobbed. 'I mean, what am I supposed to do? Ignore the fact that my best friend just possibly double crossed us to work with someone who actually ended up on our side, how stupid does that sound? I don't know Derek. I thought it was over.'¬†

Derek stood there, unsure of what to do, yet again, one of these encounters were going to be the death of him. He sat down next to Stiles, and all he knew how to do, that seemed to work, was hold his hand.

He slid his fingers inbetween Stiles' hands and traced circles with his thumb. It was all he could do.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment your thoughts on it, anything is great, all is welcomed.  
> Please kudo it if you like it, it's just something so i know i should keep going. thank you so much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys. here's the 5th chapter! I guarantee a little more sterek now. :) I hope you like it!

It became a routine, for Derek to come in through Stiles' window, every other day. For Stiles to let him in, finish his homework, then plant themselves on Stiles' bed and Stiles' started talking. He would talk about what happened that Derek missed out, what happened that day. What Stiles' was feeling. It started off with Stiles just telling him about his past, all his problems, the emotions he kept bottled up. The emotions that he never got the chance to talk to Scott about, not that Scott was a bad friend, he was just simply always occupied with one thing or another, rarely having time to talk to Stiles like they did before.

\--

When Stiles found out that Scott working with _both_  Chris and Gerard, Stiles didn't talk to Scott for days. He would talk to Danny, occasionally Lydia, he'd sit with Erica or Boyd - the days that they did come to school. Other days? Who know where they've gone, and they always come back half beaten to death. He really likes Isaac, he knew Isaac had been through a lot. Far worse that he'd ever been through, and he'd love to get to know the guy, but he was _always_ with Scott, and that couldn't work if he was ignoring Scott. 

 

What Scott didn't know was how much it had hurt Stiles. Sure, Scott could smell the anger that radiated off Stiles when he walked past, but he didn't know that the anger that was kept inside of Stiles was used to cover up the pain beneath it. The pain that ate him inside out, that Scott didn't trust him enough to tell him, that Scott would betray him, betray his pack, for Allison. That Scott didn't care enough to tell him and to figure it out the way they used to, the way they always did. He drowned himself in that pool of anger and pain, and every night, Derek would come by his room, and he'd fall apart, right then and there. He'd tell Derek everything that happened, he'd show Derek a side of him that Derek - that _noone's_ \- ever seen before and Derek wasn't sure he liked it. He wasn't sure if it was alright for him to see this, for him to feel this, he wasn't sure if was alright for Stiles to feel like this at such a young age, to have gone through all of this. But what Derek soon realized is that he went through the same thing, but much, much worse. With that, he began to relate himself, understand Stiles better, cope better. It was the click that was needed for Derek to weave his way into Stiles' life and permanently stay there.

\--

'Scott, seriously. Did you think I was okay with this? Did you think that I didn't look into it, that I didn't think our friendship was more than this? Did you actually think that I would let this anger blind me and leave our friendship? You are such an idiot, here I am, thinking you'd come up to me and apologize, because that's what _best friends_ do, because when you're _wrong,_ you apologize. But no, you decide to hide behind Isaac and ruin our friendship, and just ignore it. What am I supposed to think, Scott? You're the only friend I had for all my life, and you're probably still one of my only friends, I just didn't think you'd do that.' Stiles yelled one day after lacrosse practice. He couldn't handle it anymore. 

'Sorry, Stiles.' Scott stammered.

'Well it's too late for that now, buddy _,_ because _sorry_ doesn't fix things, do they?' Stiles snarled. He was surprised at it, he was surprised he had such power in him to do that.

'Look, I'm really sorry, alright? I didn't know what to do, I mean, Stiles, he threatened my _mom._ What was I supposed to do?' Scott yelled in his defense.

'Oh, I don't know, maybe talk to me instead of taking matters into your own hands?' Stiles threw back.

'But it worked, didn't it? We're all alive, Gerard's dead, it doesn't matter anymore.' Scott said, looking confused.

'That's not the point, Scott. The point is you didn't trust me enough to tell me. After everything I did for you.' Stiles sighed. He looked away, grabbed his things and started walking out of the locker room.

'No, Stiles, wait. I'm really sorry. I really am. I just - I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I'm really sorry, Stiles.' Scott pleaded. Stiles walked on, as fast as he could, because he knew that if he stopped for a second, he'd give in, he'd give in and forgive Scott. Scott needed to know that it wasn't okay to treat him like this. 

\--

' _Hey Scott? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted like I did. Wanna come over and play COD?_ ' Stiles texted Scott later that evening, knowing he'd punish Scott enough.

' _I'll be there in 5.'_ Scott texted back. Stiles grinned, he knew Scott.

\--

It was Thursday night, it's been almost a week since the big night, and he still hasn't gotten over it. He still has nightmares, he still wakes up crying. He can't do anything about it, and he's scared, he's so scared. Stiles found himself waking up, sweating and crying, and not being able to breathe. He could feel his heart pumping blood into his veins, throbbing against his ear. He breathed short, quick breaths, gasping for air. He couldn't breathe. It dawns to him that he's having a panic attack, he tries, so desperately to calm himself. Think of anything that would calm him, but nothing comes to mind. His breaths become shorter, shallower, quicker. 

He closes his eyes, and thinks of all the times he sat in this room and talked to Derek, talked to Derek about his feelings, his thoughts, everything that he's kept locked away in a special place that hasn't been opened up in years. He thinks of the way Derek's hand feels against his, when Derek tries to comfort him without words. He thinks of the times when Derek would show up and know immediately that something was wrong. He think of the way Derek would listen, without interrupting, all that Stiles had to say.

He's breathing slower now, steadier, deeper. 

 

He suddenly realizes what stops his panic attack. 

 

He doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter might come soon, or in the morning, it's almost 3am here. Feedback would be great guys. :) <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter 6 for you to enjoy, i really hope you do like it. it's coming close to an end.

He doesn't know when it happens, or how it happens, but when he realizes that it happened, he's breathing calmly and his heart beat is slower, he can think properly, and the beads of sweat are gone. He wonders what made him think of it in the first place, what drove him to think of Derek as something calm him. He'd like to put it down to reason, but he knows it was instinct, he knows that it wasn't because he wanted to think about Derek, or that he had time think whether he was going to think of Derek or not. It just happened, and he thinks that that's the best part of it all. 

  


The sun finally comes up and breathes hello. He gets up and eats breakfast, before going to school an hour early. Just to sit in the library and calm himself down, read a book or two, to be engulfed in something apart from his own messy life. He's almost finished his second book when the second bell rings. He realizes that if he doesnt leave now, he's going to be late to Chemistry, and he can't deal with another detention with Mr. Harris or he might as well die of torture. He drops his book, grabs his bag and sprints down the hall, into the classroom and plants a seat right beside Scott. Things are slowly going back to normal with Scott, sure there are still some slip ups and some tension, but there's bound to be. He's just happy he has his bestfriend back after this supernatural craze. 

  


He falls back into his normal routine of class, catch up with Scott, class, catch up with Lydia, class, Lunch. During Lacrosse practice, he finds that Finstock had been nice enough - if that was even possible to describe the man _nice_ \- to let Stiles off the bench and actually play some lacrosse, since he played hero in the game last week. It wasn't practice really, just a friendly game between each other. Fun, nonetheless. 

  


\--

He dumped his bag against the desk and saw Derek. 

'Hey man, what's up?' Stiles said as calmly as he could, but he knew his heart was racing. Derek seemed to notice the difference and cocked his head to the side. 

'Nothing, just checking up on you.' Derek said, and sat in his usual place by the bed.

'I had a panic attack last night.' Stiles said matter-of-factly. Derek looked up, eyes wide. He could see the worry in his face, and Stiles loved that he cared. It wasn't often that Derek would let anyone see this side of him. I guess they took it in turns to unravel the secrets so well hidden.

'I'm fine now, though, obviously. I just. I woke up after having a nightmare, and I felt like I was going through it all again. Lydia almost dying, Jackson almost killing all of us, all the blood, Gerard. It was fine though. I recovered.' His heart skipped a beat.

'Stiles, are you okay? Your heart beat's all uneven.' Derek said with a concerned voice, as he stood up and walked over to where Stiles was standing.

'Yeah, I'm fine.' His heart beat tripped.

'Don't lie to me.' Derek said, with an edge in his voice, like he was hurt that Stiles would lie to him after all that was said and done.

'It's nothing, really.' Stiles said again nervously.

'Stiles.' Derek insisted.

'It's just weird how I got over that panic attack.' Stiles said, 'and I'm just glad I have you. I mean, you put yourself out there for all of us, and Scott's different, you know? He's an idiot, and I know now that half the time, you don't even know what you're doing. But it's fine, because I trust you, and I'm glad I have you to talk to all the time. It used to be Scott, but now he just talks about himself all the time. I don't know, everything's just different.' Stiles vented. 'Just. Thank you.' He smiled, knowing that's how it all started anyway. He pulled Derek over and wrapped his arms around Derek, resting his chin on Derek's shoulder. The warmth radiating was comfortable. Derek - being Derek - stood there, completely shocked, and slowly, and awkwardly, hugged Stiles back. He put his forehead on Stiles' shoulder and whispered, 'You're welcome.'

  
For the first time, that night, Derek talked about himself. He said more than he'd ever spoken in his entire life, talking about how everything was great, he was so happy with his pack, his _family._  How he grew up knowing how to do everything as a pack, and being rebellious as he is, he wanted to learn to do things by himself. He started to try things on his own, and felt that he was invincible. He told Stiles how he met Kate and he was proud of who he was, who his pack was, even though his mother and Laura had warned him about the possible dangers, he was sure Kate was the one. He felt invincible. Until he realized that it was his downfall, Kate tore his life apart, burnt his family, his home, everything he knew, except Laura and Peter, although Peter might aswell have been burnt along with the house, all he had left was the outer shell of anything that was left of him. The worst part of it all was that his family _healed_. Instead of a death where being burnt once is enough, they healed, they burned, and healed, then burned, healed until they couldn't heal anymore, and the flames were faster than their ability to heal, eventually taking over - stretching their death on and on.

  


He grew dependent on Laura, blamed everything on himself. He blamed himself for all the he put his family through, for all that he put Stiles through. He kept himself guarded so that noone else would see him, so that noone would be able to hurt him. He learned from his mistakes far too late. He came back here and found something worth striving for, a pack. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't what he had before, but it was enough. Especially Isaac. Isaac had noone, except Derek. Derek would take that chance to do all the he couldn't do back then, he would do all that he can to protect Isaac, and teach Erica and Boyd. He didn't know what he was doing, but he hoped for the best, remembering all that Laura had said. 

  


When he met Stiles, he hated Stiles, he found Stiles annoying, and he could never shut up. He soon became fond of the way he would talk about everything, finding something sarcastic to remark, yet amusing. The way Stiles would be able to worm his way into a joke even in the most dangerous situations. He became the one that Stiles eventually opened up to, that all that talk was just to cover up all that he felt inside, a distraction for other people, so they wouldn't notice the things he was going through, but also a distraction for himself, to forget. 

  


Stiles sat there, absorbing every word, without interruption. He knew how important this was, that Derek was finally letting his guard down, that he broke down all the walls he so carefully built, just so Stiles could get a glimpse of something he spent years trying to protect and hide. Holding his hand was something important. It was such an innocent gesture, something so simple, yet it means so much. It meant that Stiles cared, that Stiles was listening, that Stiles was here to listen. That Derek trusted him. 

  


They fell asleep together, hugging each other, keeping each other safe from their own minds. 

For the first time that week, Stiles slept without a nightmare.

  


  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed it! Any comments are welcomed, ideas, suggestions, advice. :)   
> The next one will come soon! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo! Reaching chapter 7 guys. It's getting really close to the end. I think this might well be the last chapter, or maybe another chapter tops. I hope you enjoyed this!

Stiles woke up to find a mass of warmth pressed up against him and he smiled. _He stayed._ He turned himself around and shook Derek gently. 

'Rise and shine, Sourwolf.' He murmured, nuzzling Derek's chest. Derek wrapped his arm around Stiles and pulled him tighter. Stiles' heart beats faster.

'Stiles?' Derek whispered, and looked at him questioningly.

'I want to tell you something, Derek. Let me just - go do my thing first. I've been thinking about this a lot. I really want you to hear it when you're conscious, and when I'm conscious. Right now? I'm not so conscious.' Stiles fell out of bed with a loud thud, and Derek started chuckling.

He stopped abruptly, and Stiles got up so fast, and looked at Derek. Derek smiled, and chuckled again. It was such a good feeling. To finally let go and be happy again. He hadn't felt this in so long, he'd never let himself get there because he knew, he _knew_ it would end badly. Stiles smiled warmly and and jumped on him, making Derek take his full weight before laughing and pushing Stiles off the bed on the other side. They sat there for a couple of minutes, just being _happy._ They haven't been so for what felt like forever. It was a good feeling. Stiles liked spending it when Derek. It made his heart leap, his smiles more genuine, his laughs more real.

\--

After breakfast, he came back up to his room, and lay down next to Derek. He expected this to be awkward, the fact that Derek stayed over, and everything, but weirdly enough, it felt comfortable. It felt normal. 

'So, Stiles. What is it you were gonna tell me?' Derek raised his eyebrows, and smiled.

'Uh - okay well um. Hm. How do I start this.' Stiles started stammering, looking down at his fingers while he twiddled his thumbs.

'I never told you how I got over that panic attack.' He whispered, so quietly.

Derek paused, tensed, then relaxed. Stiles felt it, and he wasn't sure anymore if this was the right thing to do. He went through with it anyway, his gut told him. 

'It was you, Derek. I don't know what happened, I couldn't breathe, I was panting, gasping for air, then suddenly, I thought about the times we talked, the times where you listened calmly, how understanding you were, when you held my hand.' He paused for a breath. 'When you held my hand for the first time, it felt normal, it was comforting. The second time, I was happy that it was going to be come a regular thing. It wasn't until after the panic attack that I realized it was significant, that there could've been a meaning behind it. I didn't know. Now, all I do is think about it. I guess thank you again, for saving me.' Stiles smiled shyly, he could feel his cheeks getting pink. He lifted his hand up and ruffled through his hair. Derek instinctively grabbed Stiles' hand and looked at him, encouraging him to go on. Stiles took a deep breath.

'I guess I didn't know when it happened, or how it happened, but I guess somewhere along the way, I kinda fell for you. I know this is weird, because you probably think of me only as a friend, and that you wouldn't want to let any one in. I'm not sure if I'm good enough for you, but I'm glad that I was the one you felt safe enough to share your life with, Derek. Especially last night, when everything came out. I remember thinking that this is it, this is where everything goes well. I'm not sure if you're ready to let anyone in yet, Derek, but I'll wait. I'll wait because somehow, I realized that I wasn't inlove with her anymore. I still love her, but just not like I used to. I realized that within the short amount of time that we grew close, I fell for you, and I knew that this is right. It feels right. Don't give me the I'm only 17 bullcrap because I know. Derek, I _know_.'

He let out a large breath and looked at Derek.

'I'm not sure how this would end up, Stiles. I don't know if I can do this, if I can put myself out there again, after what happened with Kate. I know you won't do that to me, but I'm just afraid.' Derek said apologetically. He turned his head away, but Stiles used his free hand to touch his face and bring it back.

'Look at me, Derek.' Stiles said. He stared at Stiles, his brown eyes shining, with warmth, confidence, and something a little more than anyone else could see. Something so easily missed if you didn't look carefully.

'I can wait.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating on how I should end it, but I figured I enjoyed writing this so much, I'll make sure it lasts another chapter. This chapter was really short because I kinda like how I ended it, but I didn't want to drag it out too much. Just alitte ajksdhfal of fluff. <3
> 
> Feedback is welcomed, as always. :) <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright everyone, this is the end I'm afraid. I've loved this fic so much, and I'm so happy with it being my first fic. Thank you every one who left comments here and there - I know it's not perfect and it's not that great.  
> For the last one, Derek's POV.

It's been a month since they last spoke of that morning. Derek still came by every couple of days, Stiles talked to him like it was the most natural thing in the world. They were both so happy together, and Derek kept seeing the end, where it would just crumble and Derek would wake up and find himself all alone again. He couldn't - wouldn't - be able to deal with that. Not that he's finally got Stiles, he can't remember how he managed to survive without him. Stiles is just a ball of energy filled with happiness and joy. It was perfect to say the least.

 

Every now and then, Derek would catch a glimpse of Stiles, when he was caught unaware, his face would soften, his eyes would lose some of it's sparkle. This, Derek knew, was when Stiles was remembering, remembering some of the worst things that happened, that flashed through his mind with no warning. Derek wanted to change that. He wanted to be the one to fix Stiles, to be the one that takes away that sad smile, that face of loss. He wants so much, but he knows he can't let himself have these things, because he doesn't deserve it.

 

\--

'Excuse me, Mr. Hale.' Sheriff Stilinski sought him out specifically one fine evening, at the Hale house. Derek was surprised to the Sheriff there, and he mentally went through all the things in his head that could possibly lead him to this unfortunate meeting. Was it the time he sped way past the speed limit, or was it the red-light. He didn't think he'd stolen anything, let alone be involved in any of the crimes around town, or murders even. He has his wolf under control.

'Good evening, Sheriff.' Derek nodded.

'I have a something I want to discuss with you, Derek - is it alright if I call you Derek?' the Sheriff raised an eyebrow, Derek nodded. He crossed his arm, some would interpret this as a defensive move, but with Derek, it was natural instinct by now. He leaned on the door frame, and the Sheriff cleared his throat.

'I've noticed Stiles lately -' Oh. _Oh._ '- And he seems very happy, I've also noticed that you've been hanging out around my son a lot. I'm the Sheriff of Beacon Hills, and you can't really expect to have a dull guy with that job, can you? I want you to know that what ever it is you two are doing, you be careful, because of all the people who are ready to pounce and take you down. I don't know what you're doing with my son - and to be honest, I really _don't_ want to know, but it's good on him. He's better now. Thank you for that. I just, I just hope he doesn't lose you because you've been doing a great job for him and you're not a bad guy.' Sheriff Stilinski managed to say.

Derek nodded and stood upright.

'Thank you, sir. I'll keep that in mind.' Sheriff Stilinski turned around and started to leave. 

\--

 

He didn't go visit Stiles that night, even though he promised Stiles he would. What the Sheriff must've been true, otherwise, why else would he go through the trouble to come to a place like this? He thought about it, he thought about the way Stiles had changed, had matured, how everything was different now. 

He swung his leg back and forth as he lay on his bed. 

He couldn't help but think what if he had gone for it then, what if he hadn't been so scared and told Stiles to wait? Stiles had waited for so long, he'd waited 10 years for that girl, Lydia. What if Stiles was tired of waiting?

He'd never been so confused, yet so sure of something his entire life. With that, he fell asleep without knowing it, and only came to around midday.

 

\--

'Stiles! Guess what? I'm going on a date with Allison tonight!' Scott yelped in his ear when Stiles picked up the phone. He was such a cute puppy. After he and Allison broke up, things had been weird, they were an on and off couple, but never did anything serious. 

'Good on you, bro. Now let me wallow in my pool of being alone yet extremely attractive, which I don't know why, but I'm still single.' Stiles said.

'What do I wear?' Scott asked.

'Are you really asking me that, Scott?' Stiles asked, then hung up on him. Then laughed even more at how good of a friend he is.

\--

It was nearly 7, when Derek slipped through Stiles' window.

'I'm mad at you, you know.' Stiles said.

'Oh really?' Derek cocked his head to the side.

'You missed our _date_ yesterday,' Stiles said mockingly. He knew it wasn't, and he couldn't help but wish it was. But Derek wasn't ready, which was quite ironic since he was the older one here. But then again, he'd been through way more emotional drama than anyone could ever handle.

'Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I can make up for it.' Derek said, as he pull Stiles closer, one hand wrapped around his waist, and one underneath his chin, tilting Stiles' head up. He pressed his lips softly against Stiles, and he could hear Stiles' heart beat race through the roof. It was slow, it was sweet, it was patient. It was perfect. 

Stiles pulled away only slightly, enough to whisper, 'Finally.' Derek chuckled and kissed him again. This time with more purpose, with more meaning. 

 

'I'm not going anywhere,' Stiles whispered against Derek's ear.

'I know.' Derek murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end! thank you every one who took the time to read this ridiculous fan fic. that was my first. I was thinking of making it into a series and just continuing on a little? Or would it be better just to leave it like this? Please comment. :)  
> Thank you so much for reading this guys, you have no idea how much this means. :) 
> 
> oh, and if any of you have tumblr, follow me guys! http://shadow-ofthepast.tumblr.com :)


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